On Secret Santas

The Chapman Secret Santa Program has been going on since the early 1980s and was created by the matriarch, Karen, who hoped to stop her kids from beating each other with shoes. The original program had very small gifts between siblings - and originally the parents were not included. This changed in year three when all Chapmans were included - this was before Mary was born but in the house at 3631 - so either 1984, 1985, or 1986.

As part of this tradition, the fundamental question at Thanksgiving was the dollar limit - originally set at $10 for the entire season. Typically, the battle was from older children wishing for bigger gifts from the parents who were bank-rolling the younger children. Of course over the course of a short period of time, this led to tremendous inflationary pressure from siblings wanting to one-up each other with the gifts given. Eventually, the Chapman price point stabilized around $30 dollars in the early 1990s. This, of course, has been blatantly ignored in certain years - including gifts that were less than $5 and gifts that were well over $50.

Notably this inflationary pressure to one-up other family members was lost on certain members of the family. I am, of course, referring to the Slacker Revolution of 1989 when dad forgot who he secret santa'd. This shot across the bow led to a movement by certain Chapmans that eventually led to the Reformed Chapman Secret Santa Program - codenamed "the slacker division". This slacker division was retired in the early 2000s because so many people were located outside the mother brain sphere of influence. The slacker division was replaced by Secret Santa North and South and the Secret Santa in absentia programs. None of these ever really caught on with those who still longed for the slacker division. Thus, echoing the Catholic Churches recent inclusion of certain Anglican dioceses- the slacker division has been reunited with the main branch.

Today, the Chapman Secret Santa Program consists of two divisions - adult and child. The child division is limited to individuals that are not using their own money to buy gifts - but instead, are utilizing their parents money. In addition, there is an age limit of 16 - so Mary does not qualify. Children under the age of 16 may elect to enter the adult version - but they must self-fund their gifts (or convince their parents to fund).

The original intent had nothing to do with gifts or with candy. In fact, few remember and, as the father of five, can appreciate the importance of creating a program at the beginning of winter that makes your house cleaner. For this (and other things), my mother should be considered brilliant. The purpose was to do "nice things" for each other to get us into the spirit of Christmas. For example, in the original program - smiling at another person was an acceptable form of participation, so was saying a nice thing or even the absence of doing a not nice thing. Slowly, this form of participation required a whispered - "ssss....sssss". Like many innovations, this was a Beth sponsored effort utilized to throw her actual "Secret Santa" off her trail. At one memorable Christmas Eve in 1993, six out of eight Chapmans (excluding Beth and strangely Kim) thought that Beth was their Secret Santa. In reality, Beth had been Kim's - thereby creating an environment where only Beth succeeded at guessing who here Secret Santa was - and then finishing that guess by getting every other person's Secret Santa, as well. It was a Jordanesque era of dominance in the Chapman Secret Santa Program that many consider to be golden period.

However, just as the inflationary pressure affected the pricing of gifts, there were periods of significant santaing activity during the Thanksgiving holidays after the official draw that were done to throw off members of the family hoping to achieve the pinnacle of Secret Santa achievement (as Beth did in 1992 and 1994) - naming every single person's Secret Santa at the annual reveal on Christmas Eve. This strong pressure created strange, underhanded practices such as having mom write out "ss" so as to confuse individuals seeking to discover who their Secret Santa was. Many of these innovations, while questionable from an ethical standpoint, were masterminded by the Middle Child and President of the family, Beth Chapman. Beth has since changed her name in attempt to cover her tracks regarding her past deeds.

As far as the state of the game and the family, with age the Chapman Secret Santa Program has mellowed dramatically. Gone are the days of the slacker division. Gone are the days of subversive actions meant to confuse other participants. However, the next generation of family members are starting to show the potential promise, long hoped for by Mary and Jim who wished for the golden years of Secret Santa. 2009 could well be the first year of the Chapman Secret Santa Program's illustrious recovery. Only time will tell.