Monday, November 30, 2009
Being a Brother
Despite the apparent attribute of calling Mary a Visigoth, I was not one of the brothers that her blog mentioned. I do not think that Mary is a Visigoth. I think that she is a bit misunderstood. She needs a strong man who is comfortable with a woman knowing more about housebuilding, athletics and other manly things. In addition, she does tend to be a bit sarcastic on rare occasions. However, who cares about men...she is only 22. I say - "live it up" - be yourself and don't worry about your silly brothers.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Spurs Tie With Villa 1-1
Spurs tied with Aston Villa 1-1. Query: Where is Aston Villa located?
I find a couple of things to be true. First, not really understanding soccer well, I can watch a game and see momentum and the quality of a team - like Spurs today in the second half. Yet, I have literally no idea why Spurs are dominating. Unlike basketball or football - where I can see the little things. I have no idea what those little things in soccer are. So, I can get crazy excited - more excited than watching the Huskers or Bluejays - watching Spurs. Today with my daughter sleeping and my kids running loose in the house. I suddenly shouted - GOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLL! - Spurs tie the game when Dawson struck in the 77th minute. I jumped off the couch and did a bit of a jig. I never do this for any other sport but soccer. When the Huskers score an amazing touchdown or do something insanely stupid. I'll clap (in joy or anger) and maybe say something like - "How about that!" But never the heart felt complete joy of a goal in soccer.
Second, on a parenting note, Tivo is ruining me as a parent. Today, the Spurs game did not tape because one of my sons threw his Wii controller in disgust this morning when my wife told him that he had to turn off the game. This directive from my wife came after an hour of Wii and just following the words - "We're going to go get donuts so turn off the ..." [My wife upon reading this post - said that Aidan did not actually throw anything and did not throw a tantrum. She said that he "pouted". But, the point of the story is not lost based on mere facts.] Not realizing his error - both in throwing the controller and in potentially ruining my afternoon's entertainment - my son threw a temper tantrum. This was not an epic one - but a small one that led to a Wii blackout until the boys had cleaned and played for two hours outside. Anyway, to the bad parenting part - upon discovering that my son had dislodged the Infrared reader that allows our TiVo to control the cable box and thereby preventing the TiVo from taping Spurs on Fox Soccer - I melted down. I think I may have simply banned all fun in the world. I can't remember exactly who or what I banned buy I pretty much told James (not even the one who did the damage) that he needs to take more responsibility for the actions of his younger brother re: the Wii. Therefore, Wii shall be banned until I decide that it is not. These types of ridiculous parenting blunders should be past me. I have five kids. But, I have one of these completely ridiculous self-centered habeas corpus moments about once every two weeks. I have banned my son (typically its James) from having friends over until after Christmas in October. I have told them that they will be forced to do their own laundry. Ridiculous. Generally, these sorts of statements don't come out in anger. Almost never is my voice raised. I am not preparing to strike my child down with a thunderbolt from Papa Zeus. Its like the Tom conversion factor goes haywire in my mind when trying to come up with appropriate consequences.
For example, they didn't brush their teeth tonight...Therefore, Tom Conversion factor - we shall ban them from the dentist forever. The punishment may be vaguely relevant - but typically its reinforcing the wrong messages and completely overboard. It just slides out of my mouth before I am even somewhat rational.
Anyway, Spurs tied Aston Villa and I was able to salvage the last 30 minutes of game watching. I apologized to my children (particularly James) and gave them Wii privileges after only 90 minutes outside. They played for one hour and when I said that they were done, both boys set their controllers down and thanked me. Coming from a crazy converter box like me, I have no idea where they get their patience and rational sense of purpose. Thank god for their mother.
I find a couple of things to be true. First, not really understanding soccer well, I can watch a game and see momentum and the quality of a team - like Spurs today in the second half. Yet, I have literally no idea why Spurs are dominating. Unlike basketball or football - where I can see the little things. I have no idea what those little things in soccer are. So, I can get crazy excited - more excited than watching the Huskers or Bluejays - watching Spurs. Today with my daughter sleeping and my kids running loose in the house. I suddenly shouted - GOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLL! - Spurs tie the game when Dawson struck in the 77th minute. I jumped off the couch and did a bit of a jig. I never do this for any other sport but soccer. When the Huskers score an amazing touchdown or do something insanely stupid. I'll clap (in joy or anger) and maybe say something like - "How about that!" But never the heart felt complete joy of a goal in soccer.
Second, on a parenting note, Tivo is ruining me as a parent. Today, the Spurs game did not tape because one of my sons threw his Wii controller in disgust this morning when my wife told him that he had to turn off the game. This directive from my wife came after an hour of Wii and just following the words - "We're going to go get donuts so turn off the ..." [My wife upon reading this post - said that Aidan did not actually throw anything and did not throw a tantrum. She said that he "pouted". But, the point of the story is not lost based on mere facts.] Not realizing his error - both in throwing the controller and in potentially ruining my afternoon's entertainment - my son threw a temper tantrum. This was not an epic one - but a small one that led to a Wii blackout until the boys had cleaned and played for two hours outside. Anyway, to the bad parenting part - upon discovering that my son had dislodged the Infrared reader that allows our TiVo to control the cable box and thereby preventing the TiVo from taping Spurs on Fox Soccer - I melted down. I think I may have simply banned all fun in the world. I can't remember exactly who or what I banned buy I pretty much told James (not even the one who did the damage) that he needs to take more responsibility for the actions of his younger brother re: the Wii. Therefore, Wii shall be banned until I decide that it is not. These types of ridiculous parenting blunders should be past me. I have five kids. But, I have one of these completely ridiculous self-centered habeas corpus moments about once every two weeks. I have banned my son (typically its James) from having friends over until after Christmas in October. I have told them that they will be forced to do their own laundry. Ridiculous. Generally, these sorts of statements don't come out in anger. Almost never is my voice raised. I am not preparing to strike my child down with a thunderbolt from Papa Zeus. Its like the Tom conversion factor goes haywire in my mind when trying to come up with appropriate consequences.
For example, they didn't brush their teeth tonight...Therefore, Tom Conversion factor - we shall ban them from the dentist forever. The punishment may be vaguely relevant - but typically its reinforcing the wrong messages and completely overboard. It just slides out of my mouth before I am even somewhat rational.
Anyway, Spurs tied Aston Villa and I was able to salvage the last 30 minutes of game watching. I apologized to my children (particularly James) and gave them Wii privileges after only 90 minutes outside. They played for one hour and when I said that they were done, both boys set their controllers down and thanked me. Coming from a crazy converter box like me, I have no idea where they get their patience and rational sense of purpose. Thank god for their mother.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
On Parenting
My parenting philosophy is based on a couple of key principles:
1. Kids learn best on their own, through repetition and peer pressure. This means go through their homework and make sure they are getting enough chances to get better in stuff that they will need to know (science, technology, engineering, math, reading, writing, and communicating). When it comes to repetition - sports, drawing, whatever - push 'em towards stuff they will do anyways. That way, you don't really have to force them to draw or shoot baskets or play music. They'll choose to do it naturally. Finally, help them choose friends that will push them to do the above two more. Make sure the friends and friend's parents share similar values and only intervene in the case of real trouble (dangerous situations, bad decision making, or bullying).
2. Kids need to know that they are listened to and safe. I am not great at the first part, but I do try. Its amazing to me how much happier my kids are if I simply listen to what they are saying. Sometimes, there are ideas are questionable or illogical - but just listening is a good start. Making a safe environment means creating some boundaries - doors closed so baby doesn't go rolling down the stairs - but also about making sure that kid's know its okay to fail. I don't like that my son wets the bed - but I don't care about the wetting part. It drives me crazy when he lies about it and my house stinks because he lied. We have rules about language, health, eating and lying. If my kids wanted to play outside (doing almost anything), I am generally okay with it. I prefer it when they do it without me because I find that they want me to create games and rules for them - but when left to their own devices, they do better than I could, any way.
3. Create opportunities for discovery. I like to educate my kids through opportunities - museums, the zoo, whatever. We hike some and feed ducks and go all over the city. When you do this, things can happen. For example, the other day at mass, my 3yr old inexplicably went up to the choir loft without us. We eventually found her - but it freaked us out. We told her not to go there without mom or dad (less because of a fear of people and more because she is likely to jump out of the loft to see how that works). This would not happen if we always went to MOQ - but she wouldn't learn to stay close to us in crowds either. This is a better teaching moment than at a basketball game or somewhere less enclosed. Still freaks me out as a parent - though.
4. Have expectations and build community skills. We expect our kids to clean their rooms, thrown their dirty clothes into the hamper, do their homework, etc. It is not the parent's job to do this. We often fill the gaps - but they are incentivized and habitualized around doing community based things - cleaning, cooking, sharing, communicating, playing together, etc. This teaches life skills and is necessary in a big family.
Finally and this isn't really a parenting philosophy. But we wanted to have a big family and that creates strange balancing issues. My wife would like our house to be cleaner and less cluttered - but we have too many little hands to be really successful. Spending less money and more time is a necessity and has been before the Great Recession and will be whenever its over. We can't afford to go to movies together (a trip to AMC would cost us about $40 on the low side). We have family dinners and Clone Wars Friday nights.
In addition, we had our kids close together. That was not "planned" but also not "accidental". James, Aidan and Denny are real buddies. And all of the kids know how to play with kids older and younger than themselves. They are all being brought up to be helpers not just with us but with each other. The 3 boys sleep in the same room. We have an extra room - but think that it is too important for them to be together to let one of them miss out on having a roommate.
Now in response to the article directly, I worry a bit about our culture that we want to control kids - but not ourselves. What I mean is that I know many parents that set bad examples for their kids but then don't see how and where their kids learned certain behaviors. Specifically for me, I become too easily frustrated with my children, don't listen well enough, and overcoach. Some things that I think that I am pretty good at - teaching relevance, being open to new things, honest evaluation of my kid's place and expertise. The only really exception thing that any of my kids do right now is James is a tremendous artist - relative to his peers and to his parents. Everyone else is probably smarter than average - but nothing that is truly exceptional - although Claire can really eat peaches.
Most of my friends are not the over-protective parent type. However, many want small families because of the cost of college or because of the logistics. Amen to that. Many want small families because they did get married later or because they simply didn't feel financially secure. Good for them. My wife and I have elected a different course and think it is the right one. That means we simply can't be as protective as many "helicopter" parents are. So, in some ways, its hard to relate. I think it is much easier to fall into the "helicopter" parent trap if you have 2 or fewer kids - particularly if you are paying for daycare, tuition, lessons, etc. None of these are bad things, but the financial cost creates sometimes too much engagement.
However, there are also some parents that want their kids to be experts in everything by the time they are 10. I think gifted kids need outlets for their exceptionalness that reinforces these things (see Gladwell's rule of 10,000 hours), but I don't think that my kids are ready to pick whatever this is at any of their current ages. Eight is simply too young to be ready to commit to a life time of work in some space.
There are also parents that "schedule" their kids play time. It drives me crazy that my kids can't just walk out into the front yard and find friends - we have to schedule play time. This is partly because there are just fewer kids around our neighborhood, but its also a philosophy of the neighborhood. I don't see as many kids on bikes or shooting baskets in the front yard. I wish that I did. I don't know if this is parents or demographics.
I can tell you that Omaha seems to be populated with far more parents like me than other places that we have lived or spent significant amounts of time. In fact, at some level, it is probably one of the reasons that we live here.
That's a lot of thoughts and maybe not enough depth.
1. Kids learn best on their own, through repetition and peer pressure. This means go through their homework and make sure they are getting enough chances to get better in stuff that they will need to know (science, technology, engineering, math, reading, writing, and communicating). When it comes to repetition - sports, drawing, whatever - push 'em towards stuff they will do anyways. That way, you don't really have to force them to draw or shoot baskets or play music. They'll choose to do it naturally. Finally, help them choose friends that will push them to do the above two more. Make sure the friends and friend's parents share similar values and only intervene in the case of real trouble (dangerous situations, bad decision making, or bullying).
2. Kids need to know that they are listened to and safe. I am not great at the first part, but I do try. Its amazing to me how much happier my kids are if I simply listen to what they are saying. Sometimes, there are ideas are questionable or illogical - but just listening is a good start. Making a safe environment means creating some boundaries - doors closed so baby doesn't go rolling down the stairs - but also about making sure that kid's know its okay to fail. I don't like that my son wets the bed - but I don't care about the wetting part. It drives me crazy when he lies about it and my house stinks because he lied. We have rules about language, health, eating and lying. If my kids wanted to play outside (doing almost anything), I am generally okay with it. I prefer it when they do it without me because I find that they want me to create games and rules for them - but when left to their own devices, they do better than I could, any way.
3. Create opportunities for discovery. I like to educate my kids through opportunities - museums, the zoo, whatever. We hike some and feed ducks and go all over the city. When you do this, things can happen. For example, the other day at mass, my 3yr old inexplicably went up to the choir loft without us. We eventually found her - but it freaked us out. We told her not to go there without mom or dad (less because of a fear of people and more because she is likely to jump out of the loft to see how that works). This would not happen if we always went to MOQ - but she wouldn't learn to stay close to us in crowds either. This is a better teaching moment than at a basketball game or somewhere less enclosed. Still freaks me out as a parent - though.
4. Have expectations and build community skills. We expect our kids to clean their rooms, thrown their dirty clothes into the hamper, do their homework, etc. It is not the parent's job to do this. We often fill the gaps - but they are incentivized and habitualized around doing community based things - cleaning, cooking, sharing, communicating, playing together, etc. This teaches life skills and is necessary in a big family.
Finally and this isn't really a parenting philosophy. But we wanted to have a big family and that creates strange balancing issues. My wife would like our house to be cleaner and less cluttered - but we have too many little hands to be really successful. Spending less money and more time is a necessity and has been before the Great Recession and will be whenever its over. We can't afford to go to movies together (a trip to AMC would cost us about $40 on the low side). We have family dinners and Clone Wars Friday nights.
In addition, we had our kids close together. That was not "planned" but also not "accidental". James, Aidan and Denny are real buddies. And all of the kids know how to play with kids older and younger than themselves. They are all being brought up to be helpers not just with us but with each other. The 3 boys sleep in the same room. We have an extra room - but think that it is too important for them to be together to let one of them miss out on having a roommate.
Now in response to the article directly, I worry a bit about our culture that we want to control kids - but not ourselves. What I mean is that I know many parents that set bad examples for their kids but then don't see how and where their kids learned certain behaviors. Specifically for me, I become too easily frustrated with my children, don't listen well enough, and overcoach. Some things that I think that I am pretty good at - teaching relevance, being open to new things, honest evaluation of my kid's place and expertise. The only really exception thing that any of my kids do right now is James is a tremendous artist - relative to his peers and to his parents. Everyone else is probably smarter than average - but nothing that is truly exceptional - although Claire can really eat peaches.
Most of my friends are not the over-protective parent type. However, many want small families because of the cost of college or because of the logistics. Amen to that. Many want small families because they did get married later or because they simply didn't feel financially secure. Good for them. My wife and I have elected a different course and think it is the right one. That means we simply can't be as protective as many "helicopter" parents are. So, in some ways, its hard to relate. I think it is much easier to fall into the "helicopter" parent trap if you have 2 or fewer kids - particularly if you are paying for daycare, tuition, lessons, etc. None of these are bad things, but the financial cost creates sometimes too much engagement.
However, there are also some parents that want their kids to be experts in everything by the time they are 10. I think gifted kids need outlets for their exceptionalness that reinforces these things (see Gladwell's rule of 10,000 hours), but I don't think that my kids are ready to pick whatever this is at any of their current ages. Eight is simply too young to be ready to commit to a life time of work in some space.
There are also parents that "schedule" their kids play time. It drives me crazy that my kids can't just walk out into the front yard and find friends - we have to schedule play time. This is partly because there are just fewer kids around our neighborhood, but its also a philosophy of the neighborhood. I don't see as many kids on bikes or shooting baskets in the front yard. I wish that I did. I don't know if this is parents or demographics.
I can tell you that Omaha seems to be populated with far more parents like me than other places that we have lived or spent significant amounts of time. In fact, at some level, it is probably one of the reasons that we live here.
That's a lot of thoughts and maybe not enough depth.
Secret Santa Lists
On a sad note, yoda the frog died yesterday. The Chapman house is in mourning. We are in the market for a new pet - but not until the grieving process is complete. Early clubhouse leaders - axolotl and fish. Turtles are out because apparently they are bad for babies. Who knew? So opinions are welcome. Pickles suggested the axolotl - and I like that idea. The kids seem to like amphibians and fish over mammals - not exactly sure why.
Tom - black dress socks and long sleeved sleepable t-shirts, Star Trek DVD, an adult Wii game (sports or violence preferred). Tom also likes books - not everything but a wide variety. If you go into Social Sciences or Business, pretty much everything is of interest - Omnivore's Dilemma, Art of Innovation, Valley Boy, Food, Inc. Two of Tom's goals for next year are to get smarter about technology and network integration (of all types not just technology) and wine. Tom's goal for 2009 was to get into soccer. Success - more Spurs paraphanelia is good.
Cheryl - colorful, trendy dress scarves (to be warn with regular clothes not a coat), Twilight DVD, perfume, something fun to wear out with friends (nothing crazy - but something that could be warn to a bar without her husband and look cute enough to be with her chic sister). Cheryl is currently writing a book and trying to be more active with other moms in the parish.
James - Greek mythology, puzzles, Titanic (and other disasters), and books. The parents (aka S) are getting James a Nintendo DSi, so games for this are good. In addition, he is interested in the 39 clues and Percy Jackson. He wears size 9slim pants and a child's medium shirt. He is not super into sports - but does like soccer. He really likes architecture and to build and draw stuff. James is getting to be a big boy now - and so bigger kid games like board games and puzzles are highly enjoyed.
Aidan - Animals (particularly amphibians, specifically turtles), Greek mythology, Star Wars, and playing outside in the sand box. Aidan will also be getting a Nintendo DSi, so games are good (aka S). Apparently these things can be played in tandem up to 4 players. He wears size 7 pants and a child's medium shirt. He is into sports more than James - so jerseys or equipment are good. He really likes living things, science and enjoys coloring (not as much drawing or building as James) and playing with action figures. He also enjoys 39 clues and Percy Jackson - but enjoys a wider variety of books - Redwall, Star Wars, etc. Aidan also seems musically inclined - particularly recorder, flute, etc.
Dennis - Star Wars, music, and whatever his brothers are up to. He has been struggling a bit lately with growing out of a toddler into a little boy. He wants to do some of the things that J&A can do - play the Wii, draw pictures, etc. but can't quite escape his sister's inability to play these things yet. He is getting drums (real drums) from mom and dad (aka S). He loves Star Wars - particularly clones. He builds elaborate scenes and plays inside, outside and anywhere with action figures. He and Aidan do a lot of wars. He enjoys sports - particularly those with balls - soccer, basketball, baseball, golf, etc. He wears size 5/6 pants and S shirts.
Martha - make up, dress up clothes, kitchen stuff (food, shopping cart, etc.) stuffed animals. Martha likes to play with others and is comfortable playing just about anything. She enjoys reading books, particularly about animals. She also enjoys writing and drawing. Martha is a bit mischevious if that can be embodied in a gift. She stays up late looking at books and "reading". She particularly likes Dora, the Backyardigans, almost all princesses and Disney. She wears a size 4 pant and an XS or 4t shirt. She is getting a significant kitchen set from the parents (aka S).
Claire - blocks. Claire loves blocks and stuffed animals. She is in the 18-24 mo. clothes and continues to be near the top of her size estimates for age. So, if you are buying clothes - buy high.
We have a DVD player, Wii gaming system, and will have a DSi. There is some discussion of a Leapster 2 but this has not been purchased or confirmed.
So, there is our secret santa list as a family. If you have questions, email us what you are thinking about.
Tom - black dress socks and long sleeved sleepable t-shirts, Star Trek DVD, an adult Wii game (sports or violence preferred). Tom also likes books - not everything but a wide variety. If you go into Social Sciences or Business, pretty much everything is of interest - Omnivore's Dilemma, Art of Innovation, Valley Boy, Food, Inc. Two of Tom's goals for next year are to get smarter about technology and network integration (of all types not just technology) and wine. Tom's goal for 2009 was to get into soccer. Success - more Spurs paraphanelia is good.
Cheryl - colorful, trendy dress scarves (to be warn with regular clothes not a coat), Twilight DVD, perfume, something fun to wear out with friends (nothing crazy - but something that could be warn to a bar without her husband and look cute enough to be with her chic sister). Cheryl is currently writing a book and trying to be more active with other moms in the parish.
James - Greek mythology, puzzles, Titanic (and other disasters), and books. The parents (aka S) are getting James a Nintendo DSi, so games for this are good. In addition, he is interested in the 39 clues and Percy Jackson. He wears size 9slim pants and a child's medium shirt. He is not super into sports - but does like soccer. He really likes architecture and to build and draw stuff. James is getting to be a big boy now - and so bigger kid games like board games and puzzles are highly enjoyed.
Aidan - Animals (particularly amphibians, specifically turtles), Greek mythology, Star Wars, and playing outside in the sand box. Aidan will also be getting a Nintendo DSi, so games are good (aka S). Apparently these things can be played in tandem up to 4 players. He wears size 7 pants and a child's medium shirt. He is into sports more than James - so jerseys or equipment are good. He really likes living things, science and enjoys coloring (not as much drawing or building as James) and playing with action figures. He also enjoys 39 clues and Percy Jackson - but enjoys a wider variety of books - Redwall, Star Wars, etc. Aidan also seems musically inclined - particularly recorder, flute, etc.
Dennis - Star Wars, music, and whatever his brothers are up to. He has been struggling a bit lately with growing out of a toddler into a little boy. He wants to do some of the things that J&A can do - play the Wii, draw pictures, etc. but can't quite escape his sister's inability to play these things yet. He is getting drums (real drums) from mom and dad (aka S). He loves Star Wars - particularly clones. He builds elaborate scenes and plays inside, outside and anywhere with action figures. He and Aidan do a lot of wars. He enjoys sports - particularly those with balls - soccer, basketball, baseball, golf, etc. He wears size 5/6 pants and S shirts.
Martha - make up, dress up clothes, kitchen stuff (food, shopping cart, etc.) stuffed animals. Martha likes to play with others and is comfortable playing just about anything. She enjoys reading books, particularly about animals. She also enjoys writing and drawing. Martha is a bit mischevious if that can be embodied in a gift. She stays up late looking at books and "reading". She particularly likes Dora, the Backyardigans, almost all princesses and Disney. She wears a size 4 pant and an XS or 4t shirt. She is getting a significant kitchen set from the parents (aka S).
Claire - blocks. Claire loves blocks and stuffed animals. She is in the 18-24 mo. clothes and continues to be near the top of her size estimates for age. So, if you are buying clothes - buy high.
We have a DVD player, Wii gaming system, and will have a DSi. There is some discussion of a Leapster 2 but this has not been purchased or confirmed.
So, there is our secret santa list as a family. If you have questions, email us what you are thinking about.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
On Being American
Being American is really important to me, and I am proud to be an American. My pride has nothing to do with who the President is or the fact that the United States is one of the longest running liberal democracies in history. It is not about our military strength or the Bill of Rights. Don't get me wrong, I think these things are important.
What I think is most incredible about our country is its ability to bring radically different people together and create something that is new, better and excellent. This is partly about immigration - but not in the political context. What I mean is that at our schools, community groups, etc. - there is an expected equality and a responsibility to take ownership and do. While the United States has sometimes been ridiculed by the press (both at home and abroad) for its inability to do something or another - the general sentiment in the US has never been nasty towards itself during my lifetime. I am starting to see a shift from being mildly annoyed with various aspects of American life - to a legitimate criticism of American life. And frankly, I don't like it.
I don't like it - at least in part for no other reason than my own pride in being an American. But I worry about this country and its apparent arrogance that we are smarter or harder working or more innovative and that's enough to be the best at whatever it is that we want to be the best at - Olympic sports, new venture creation, etc. What worries me more is that generally there appears to be a malaise about why and how we are slipping.
Yesterday on Sports Talk Radio of all things, they were discussing how Americans are getting soft. I don't know if this is true or not - but what they were really talking about was discipline, responsibility and work ethic. My dad and I had a similar conversation a week ago - and I have been reflecting on this for some time in some way or another.
What I think it means to be an American is the Jesuit ideal of - magis - or "being excellent in all things." I don't mean that in an arrogant way - meaning that we are excellent in all things - but in the process of excellence. Thus, the key word is being and in order "to be" one must strive and suffer and accomplish. Anymore, we have lost the hard parts of being and simply assumed that we already are there. So we have a generation of people - the Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y - that simply collectively assume that we have reached the mountain top. This is partly true; we have reached a mountain top. But it is not Everest - its an Appalachian.
We have lost focus as a country - our leaders, our politicians (they are not the same thing most of the time), our people - at the being part of excellence. Being American is quintessentially that quest that can only be reached by pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and doing something better and greater than any thought possible.
I like the history of individuals pulling themselves up by their bootstraps - and knowing that I too can start my own thing and be wildly successful on the merits (not on who I was born to be). This, I think, is uniquely American and what we should focus on creating when we build institutions and communities.
Where are these things in American society:
- Education: I don't have the perspective necessary to say that our education system has never looked so bleak - but between sky-rocketing cost (at all levels) and lower achievement and expectations. Its hard to say that this is creating an environment that helps realize the uniquely American quest for excellence.
- Social Programs: Whether its healthcare, social security, public education, or any number of other things, its shocking to me how little common purpose people are willing to agree upon. In any of the debates, the discussion and policy is so polarized and polarizing that debate on substantive issues is simply impossible. So, for example, everyone is willing to say: "I want better healthcare" or "I want less crime" - but nobody or very few are willing to say. And here is what that means from a metrics perspective, here is what that means from an achievement perspective, and here is what that means from an accountability perspective.
- Immigration: When in our history have immigrants (regardless of race or creed) been welcomed less? Historically, there are horror stories about individual classes of people - Chinese in the 1860s and 1870s, Catholic Irish or Italians in the 1880s...Vietnamese in the 1970s, Mexican in the 1990s and 2000s, etc. But, right now, I think that there is a general sentiment against any immigration and our laws have not evolved to the society that we have. Thus, not only is sentiment poor - but our legal framework does not make any sense. This is not a political indictment of one party over the other - it is simply a note regarding the lack of clarity and perspective that my country appears to be lacking.
Saying this, I can still say that I am proud to be an American. We have problems...to be excellent you don't get to do simple things. To be excellent you must confront difficult, seemingly impossible challenges. I am proud for my opportunity to serve and do great things. Only in American would I be able to help solve these problems, rather than simply complain about the system or the status quo. Let's not lose that to rhetoric or polarizing politicians. Instead, let's start solving problems. Let's not leave them for the next generation; they're will be plenty of new and challenging problems for them. But we must pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in the quest for excellence.
What I think is most incredible about our country is its ability to bring radically different people together and create something that is new, better and excellent. This is partly about immigration - but not in the political context. What I mean is that at our schools, community groups, etc. - there is an expected equality and a responsibility to take ownership and do. While the United States has sometimes been ridiculed by the press (both at home and abroad) for its inability to do something or another - the general sentiment in the US has never been nasty towards itself during my lifetime. I am starting to see a shift from being mildly annoyed with various aspects of American life - to a legitimate criticism of American life. And frankly, I don't like it.
I don't like it - at least in part for no other reason than my own pride in being an American. But I worry about this country and its apparent arrogance that we are smarter or harder working or more innovative and that's enough to be the best at whatever it is that we want to be the best at - Olympic sports, new venture creation, etc. What worries me more is that generally there appears to be a malaise about why and how we are slipping.
Yesterday on Sports Talk Radio of all things, they were discussing how Americans are getting soft. I don't know if this is true or not - but what they were really talking about was discipline, responsibility and work ethic. My dad and I had a similar conversation a week ago - and I have been reflecting on this for some time in some way or another.
What I think it means to be an American is the Jesuit ideal of - magis - or "being excellent in all things." I don't mean that in an arrogant way - meaning that we are excellent in all things - but in the process of excellence. Thus, the key word is being and in order "to be" one must strive and suffer and accomplish. Anymore, we have lost the hard parts of being and simply assumed that we already are there. So we have a generation of people - the Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y - that simply collectively assume that we have reached the mountain top. This is partly true; we have reached a mountain top. But it is not Everest - its an Appalachian.
We have lost focus as a country - our leaders, our politicians (they are not the same thing most of the time), our people - at the being part of excellence. Being American is quintessentially that quest that can only be reached by pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and doing something better and greater than any thought possible.
I like the history of individuals pulling themselves up by their bootstraps - and knowing that I too can start my own thing and be wildly successful on the merits (not on who I was born to be). This, I think, is uniquely American and what we should focus on creating when we build institutions and communities.
Where are these things in American society:
- Education: I don't have the perspective necessary to say that our education system has never looked so bleak - but between sky-rocketing cost (at all levels) and lower achievement and expectations. Its hard to say that this is creating an environment that helps realize the uniquely American quest for excellence.
- Social Programs: Whether its healthcare, social security, public education, or any number of other things, its shocking to me how little common purpose people are willing to agree upon. In any of the debates, the discussion and policy is so polarized and polarizing that debate on substantive issues is simply impossible. So, for example, everyone is willing to say: "I want better healthcare" or "I want less crime" - but nobody or very few are willing to say. And here is what that means from a metrics perspective, here is what that means from an achievement perspective, and here is what that means from an accountability perspective.
- Immigration: When in our history have immigrants (regardless of race or creed) been welcomed less? Historically, there are horror stories about individual classes of people - Chinese in the 1860s and 1870s, Catholic Irish or Italians in the 1880s...Vietnamese in the 1970s, Mexican in the 1990s and 2000s, etc. But, right now, I think that there is a general sentiment against any immigration and our laws have not evolved to the society that we have. Thus, not only is sentiment poor - but our legal framework does not make any sense. This is not a political indictment of one party over the other - it is simply a note regarding the lack of clarity and perspective that my country appears to be lacking.
Saying this, I can still say that I am proud to be an American. We have problems...to be excellent you don't get to do simple things. To be excellent you must confront difficult, seemingly impossible challenges. I am proud for my opportunity to serve and do great things. Only in American would I be able to help solve these problems, rather than simply complain about the system or the status quo. Let's not lose that to rhetoric or polarizing politicians. Instead, let's start solving problems. Let's not leave them for the next generation; they're will be plenty of new and challenging problems for them. But we must pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in the quest for excellence.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
On A Holiday in Spain
Today I logged into Pandora for the first time on my work computer so that I could listen to some tunes while watching my children. You see, I am on vacation/parenting duty while my nanny is on vacation. Anyway, I logged into Pandora for the first time and typed in thinking that I'd love to hear something that my sister Mary would like...First song - "Holiday in Spain." The world really is a little place where you can get the #1 song of your choice on accident or find friends in a rural field in the middle of Texas.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
On Being Pathetic
Today my wife told me that I should go and do something fun...I am sitting at home writing a blog and preparing for a nap. I have no responsibility today and that is the best that I could come up with. I am pathetic. Good night!
Friday, November 13, 2009
On Secret Santas
The Chapman Secret Santa Program has been going on since the early 1980s and was created by the matriarch, Karen, who hoped to stop her kids from beating each other with shoes. The original program had very small gifts between siblings - and originally the parents were not included. This changed in year three when all Chapmans were included - this was before Mary was born but in the house at 3631 - so either 1984, 1985, or 1986.
As part of this tradition, the fundamental question at Thanksgiving was the dollar limit - originally set at $10 for the entire season. Typically, the battle was from older children wishing for bigger gifts from the parents who were bank-rolling the younger children. Of course over the course of a short period of time, this led to tremendous inflationary pressure from siblings wanting to one-up each other with the gifts given. Eventually, the Chapman price point stabilized around $30 dollars in the early 1990s. This, of course, has been blatantly ignored in certain years - including gifts that were less than $5 and gifts that were well over $50.
Notably this inflationary pressure to one-up other family members was lost on certain members of the family. I am, of course, referring to the Slacker Revolution of 1989 when dad forgot who he secret santa'd. This shot across the bow led to a movement by certain Chapmans that eventually led to the Reformed Chapman Secret Santa Program - codenamed "the slacker division". This slacker division was retired in the early 2000s because so many people were located outside the mother brain sphere of influence. The slacker division was replaced by Secret Santa North and South and the Secret Santa in absentia programs. None of these ever really caught on with those who still longed for the slacker division. Thus, echoing the Catholic Churches recent inclusion of certain Anglican dioceses- the slacker division has been reunited with the main branch.
Today, the Chapman Secret Santa Program consists of two divisions - adult and child. The child division is limited to individuals that are not using their own money to buy gifts - but instead, are utilizing their parents money. In addition, there is an age limit of 16 - so Mary does not qualify. Children under the age of 16 may elect to enter the adult version - but they must self-fund their gifts (or convince their parents to fund).
The original intent had nothing to do with gifts or with candy. In fact, few remember and, as the father of five, can appreciate the importance of creating a program at the beginning of winter that makes your house cleaner. For this (and other things), my mother should be considered brilliant. The purpose was to do "nice things" for each other to get us into the spirit of Christmas. For example, in the original program - smiling at another person was an acceptable form of participation, so was saying a nice thing or even the absence of doing a not nice thing. Slowly, this form of participation required a whispered - "ssss....sssss". Like many innovations, this was a Beth sponsored effort utilized to throw her actual "Secret Santa" off her trail. At one memorable Christmas Eve in 1993, six out of eight Chapmans (excluding Beth and strangely Kim) thought that Beth was their Secret Santa. In reality, Beth had been Kim's - thereby creating an environment where only Beth succeeded at guessing who here Secret Santa was - and then finishing that guess by getting every other person's Secret Santa, as well. It was a Jordanesque era of dominance in the Chapman Secret Santa Program that many consider to be golden period.
However, just as the inflationary pressure affected the pricing of gifts, there were periods of significant santaing activity during the Thanksgiving holidays after the official draw that were done to throw off members of the family hoping to achieve the pinnacle of Secret Santa achievement (as Beth did in 1992 and 1994) - naming every single person's Secret Santa at the annual reveal on Christmas Eve. This strong pressure created strange, underhanded practices such as having mom write out "ss" so as to confuse individuals seeking to discover who their Secret Santa was. Many of these innovations, while questionable from an ethical standpoint, were masterminded by the Middle Child and President of the family, Beth Chapman. Beth has since changed her name in attempt to cover her tracks regarding her past deeds.
As far as the state of the game and the family, with age the Chapman Secret Santa Program has mellowed dramatically. Gone are the days of the slacker division. Gone are the days of subversive actions meant to confuse other participants. However, the next generation of family members are starting to show the potential promise, long hoped for by Mary and Jim who wished for the golden years of Secret Santa. 2009 could well be the first year of the Chapman Secret Santa Program's illustrious recovery. Only time will tell.
As part of this tradition, the fundamental question at Thanksgiving was the dollar limit - originally set at $10 for the entire season. Typically, the battle was from older children wishing for bigger gifts from the parents who were bank-rolling the younger children. Of course over the course of a short period of time, this led to tremendous inflationary pressure from siblings wanting to one-up each other with the gifts given. Eventually, the Chapman price point stabilized around $30 dollars in the early 1990s. This, of course, has been blatantly ignored in certain years - including gifts that were less than $5 and gifts that were well over $50.
Notably this inflationary pressure to one-up other family members was lost on certain members of the family. I am, of course, referring to the Slacker Revolution of 1989 when dad forgot who he secret santa'd. This shot across the bow led to a movement by certain Chapmans that eventually led to the Reformed Chapman Secret Santa Program - codenamed "the slacker division". This slacker division was retired in the early 2000s because so many people were located outside the mother brain sphere of influence. The slacker division was replaced by Secret Santa North and South and the Secret Santa in absentia programs. None of these ever really caught on with those who still longed for the slacker division. Thus, echoing the Catholic Churches recent inclusion of certain Anglican dioceses- the slacker division has been reunited with the main branch.
Today, the Chapman Secret Santa Program consists of two divisions - adult and child. The child division is limited to individuals that are not using their own money to buy gifts - but instead, are utilizing their parents money. In addition, there is an age limit of 16 - so Mary does not qualify. Children under the age of 16 may elect to enter the adult version - but they must self-fund their gifts (or convince their parents to fund).
The original intent had nothing to do with gifts or with candy. In fact, few remember and, as the father of five, can appreciate the importance of creating a program at the beginning of winter that makes your house cleaner. For this (and other things), my mother should be considered brilliant. The purpose was to do "nice things" for each other to get us into the spirit of Christmas. For example, in the original program - smiling at another person was an acceptable form of participation, so was saying a nice thing or even the absence of doing a not nice thing. Slowly, this form of participation required a whispered - "ssss....sssss". Like many innovations, this was a Beth sponsored effort utilized to throw her actual "Secret Santa" off her trail. At one memorable Christmas Eve in 1993, six out of eight Chapmans (excluding Beth and strangely Kim) thought that Beth was their Secret Santa. In reality, Beth had been Kim's - thereby creating an environment where only Beth succeeded at guessing who here Secret Santa was - and then finishing that guess by getting every other person's Secret Santa, as well. It was a Jordanesque era of dominance in the Chapman Secret Santa Program that many consider to be golden period.
However, just as the inflationary pressure affected the pricing of gifts, there were periods of significant santaing activity during the Thanksgiving holidays after the official draw that were done to throw off members of the family hoping to achieve the pinnacle of Secret Santa achievement (as Beth did in 1992 and 1994) - naming every single person's Secret Santa at the annual reveal on Christmas Eve. This strong pressure created strange, underhanded practices such as having mom write out "ss" so as to confuse individuals seeking to discover who their Secret Santa was. Many of these innovations, while questionable from an ethical standpoint, were masterminded by the Middle Child and President of the family, Beth Chapman. Beth has since changed her name in attempt to cover her tracks regarding her past deeds.
As far as the state of the game and the family, with age the Chapman Secret Santa Program has mellowed dramatically. Gone are the days of the slacker division. Gone are the days of subversive actions meant to confuse other participants. However, the next generation of family members are starting to show the potential promise, long hoped for by Mary and Jim who wished for the golden years of Secret Santa. 2009 could well be the first year of the Chapman Secret Santa Program's illustrious recovery. Only time will tell.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
On Writing
I used to write quite a bit. And now I look at financial statements regularly. I would say that I enjoy many things in moderation - which is both a blessing and a curse.
I am the jack of all trades and the master of none. I can make myself appear intelligent in nearly everything because I have gone one inch deep. For example, you may say - "boy, Mary's brother - Tom, knows a lot of banal cliches after reading this" but the truth is that I am pretty much spent. I am just trying to help the team...make that extra pass...do whatever is necessary for this post to be outstanding.
In all seriousness, I find that great men and women tend to be really good at one thing and sometimes two. When I have met famous, accomplished individuals, rarely are they smarter, more talented, etc. than myself. In fact, often they are a bit of a let down - but they do one thing way better than anyone else on this earth. And the simple truth is that I do not. Its disappointing to realize that not only do I not do something better than everyone else - but that frankly, barring a complete disaster to humankind, I probably never will be the absolute best at anything.
However, there is also sense of freedom in knowing that I am a worker, not a master-builder (see Oscar Romero). It is a blessing to know that my little efforts can have large impacts in lots of things - here in my house, here in my community, here in my world.
So, in that vein, my wife and I have both started writing again (and not just this blog). We are both working on books targeted at young adults. The ceiling is moderately high and the competition is moderately low. James Joyce did not write for 12 year olds, and I am okay with that. Ulysses just isn't a very fun book. I am writing about epic cataclysms and plots that are both imaginary and almost unfathomably unlikely - but what the heck, its fun and I think that it may make my kids (and maybe other kids too) have big dreams. So, we'll keep writing when we are not looking at Cheryl's P&L.
I am the jack of all trades and the master of none. I can make myself appear intelligent in nearly everything because I have gone one inch deep. For example, you may say - "boy, Mary's brother - Tom, knows a lot of banal cliches after reading this" but the truth is that I am pretty much spent. I am just trying to help the team...make that extra pass...do whatever is necessary for this post to be outstanding.
In all seriousness, I find that great men and women tend to be really good at one thing and sometimes two. When I have met famous, accomplished individuals, rarely are they smarter, more talented, etc. than myself. In fact, often they are a bit of a let down - but they do one thing way better than anyone else on this earth. And the simple truth is that I do not. Its disappointing to realize that not only do I not do something better than everyone else - but that frankly, barring a complete disaster to humankind, I probably never will be the absolute best at anything.
However, there is also sense of freedom in knowing that I am a worker, not a master-builder (see Oscar Romero). It is a blessing to know that my little efforts can have large impacts in lots of things - here in my house, here in my community, here in my world.
So, in that vein, my wife and I have both started writing again (and not just this blog). We are both working on books targeted at young adults. The ceiling is moderately high and the competition is moderately low. James Joyce did not write for 12 year olds, and I am okay with that. Ulysses just isn't a very fun book. I am writing about epic cataclysms and plots that are both imaginary and almost unfathomably unlikely - but what the heck, its fun and I think that it may make my kids (and maybe other kids too) have big dreams. So, we'll keep writing when we are not looking at Cheryl's P&L.
On Hurricanes
I have been slow of late, and for this I apologize. However, without further adieu...
So, my job is pretty cool because at different times in my career, I have been called upon to become an expert (or at least knowledgeable) on baseball stadiums, video games and...hurricanes. Hurricanes, you say, but why Tom?
A couple of reasons really. First, hurricanes have a significant impact on the insurance industry - particularly those that do a significant amount of property and casualty insurance in the gulf coast. Thus, a bad hurricane season can affect reinsurance companies (like Arch) or home insurance companies (like Allstate) or casualty companies (like Zurich) - depending on their exposure and the impact of the hit. Second, hurricanes are widespread disasters, a la Katrina - where large swaths of land and area lose electricity, gas service and internet service. Thus, locating certain types of projects in hurricane zones can be risky. So, identifying both the projects and the areas that are most at risk and which companies are most exposed is part of my job. So, I spent some good old fashion time studying hurricanes.
Here's what I found. First, there is a company that specializes in predicting via risk assessment and analyze odd events - wind storms, terrorist attacks, and hurricanes. The company is called AIR-Worldwide. And it has more PhDs than not PhDs as employees. The website is http://www.air-worldwide.com/. Here is a link to their 2009 tropical storm study.
In addition, I stumbled upon the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration National Hurricane Center. At this center, they have great information that is up to date on hurricanes - and they utilize up to fifteen models to guess where a hurricane is going. There is always one that says this maybe may look like its headed for Texas - but it will actually hit South Carolina or Newfoundland or something simply insane due to a hard right turn. So, the simple lesson is that if you life to the right (or north of a hurricane) someone always says that your day is coming.
My real experience with hurricanes was in North Carolina in 1999 following a string of bad hurricane years for the Carolinas. There was devastation two months after Hurricane Floyd and its ridiculous rainfall. In addition, I lived in Houston during Hurricane Allison. I went to find a good picture for Hurricane Allison to give you neo-Houstonians an idea of what type of rain fell. According to the NHC of the NOAA - the Port of Houston had 36.99 inches of rain from this storm (in about 36 hours). It was literally like there were zillions of water faucets on above the city for two days and nights.
For those of you in Houston freaked out by hurricanes, I strongly advise you to look at Allison photos. Even today, looking at them seems simply unreal. For example, in the one that I posted, that white building in the center of the picture is about one full block from the bayou and its whole first floor is under water. That was not supposed to happen.
However, my favorite picture is the kayaker on I-59...There are semis literally underneath and not visible. As my wife and I sat at home on June 9 and 10 (because that was our highway), we watched the water slowly recede and discovered over time the top of semis and their trailers under all of that water. Amazing. Check out this site for more non-photo shopped photos.
Monday, November 2, 2009
My Halloween
Halloween is different for people with kids. I note this on a number of key findings:
1. My nanny noted on her Facebook page that costumes have become quite skanky. I do not think that a costume of Hermes, Percy Jackson, a tiger (or a satyr), and a kitty princess are skanky - although maybe that last one with the right kitty - but still, its a stretch. Those were my kids costumes. We trick-or-treated with a dragon and a Spider-man. Not skanky.
2. My intern described her Halloween as Lady GaGa which involved 1) a limousine ride with 12 friends, 2) only two friends not vomiting, 3) a description of a tricked out Playboy bunny. This story also involves attempts to lure motorcyclists into falls and unexpected encounters with sober colleagues. Again - I was in bed by 11pm - no limo, no vomiting, no Playboy bunnies (sigh.).
3. My sister is a dead soccer player (with braids). This may seem like an odd one to note - but I did not dress up...at all. I went to a Halloween party as an oil executive. Thus, I wore cowboy boots and my normal garb (which often actually includes cowboy boots). My sister had both time and energy to saw a shoe in half. On Halloween, I spent the better part of the afternoon looking for a Size 1 Nike sneaker with a green swoosh (Aidan's). It was in the ball bucket in the basement (of course).
4. Finally, I told a co-worker who also has kids that we finished trick-or-treating at 8:30 this year. She said, "that's late." My intern (see point #2 above) remarked "really" in her Pickles voice. I said - "yeah but my wife and I stayed up until 11pm." Again the intern remarked - "really...I didn't even go out until 11pm."
Things are just different with kids. Not better nor worse - just different.
1. My nanny noted on her Facebook page that costumes have become quite skanky. I do not think that a costume of Hermes, Percy Jackson, a tiger (or a satyr), and a kitty princess are skanky - although maybe that last one with the right kitty - but still, its a stretch. Those were my kids costumes. We trick-or-treated with a dragon and a Spider-man. Not skanky.
2. My intern described her Halloween as Lady GaGa which involved 1) a limousine ride with 12 friends, 2) only two friends not vomiting, 3) a description of a tricked out Playboy bunny. This story also involves attempts to lure motorcyclists into falls and unexpected encounters with sober colleagues. Again - I was in bed by 11pm - no limo, no vomiting, no Playboy bunnies (sigh.).
3. My sister is a dead soccer player (with braids). This may seem like an odd one to note - but I did not dress up...at all. I went to a Halloween party as an oil executive. Thus, I wore cowboy boots and my normal garb (which often actually includes cowboy boots). My sister had both time and energy to saw a shoe in half. On Halloween, I spent the better part of the afternoon looking for a Size 1 Nike sneaker with a green swoosh (Aidan's). It was in the ball bucket in the basement (of course).
4. Finally, I told a co-worker who also has kids that we finished trick-or-treating at 8:30 this year. She said, "that's late." My intern (see point #2 above) remarked "really" in her Pickles voice. I said - "yeah but my wife and I stayed up until 11pm." Again the intern remarked - "really...I didn't even go out until 11pm."
Things are just different with kids. Not better nor worse - just different.
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